Ever hear of Conversion Therapy? It is a Fundamentalist Christian junk science that is widely discredited by many modern physicians, psychiatrists, and psychologists.
Conversion Therapy did not cure anyone in the LGBTQIA2S+ community and many of those who have been sent to these centers have un-alived themselves rather than be put through the torment of being forced to listen to contemporary Christian music, dressing accordingly to the modesty movement's dress codes, and being spoon fed the propaganda of going to Hell unless you return and convert to being straight and Christian (from the Fundamentalist Christian point of view).
This is another reason why I deconstructed.
After watching "But, I'm A Cheerleader" with some friends in college, I looked into Conversion Therapy & the so-called Ex-Gay ministries and...
WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?! And I just described it.
3 Years into my deconstruction, I became A Unitarian Universalist, 1 year after that, I began studying Witchcraft & Paganism, and then embraced the Left Hand Path as a Theistic practitioner (because The Church of Satan is Atheistic and Peter Gilmore has turned it into an elistist group, while The Satanic Temple, whom I praise for actually doing what the church should be doing, doesn't embrace Magick), after years of trying to be a Good Christian, and believing in the messages of "Faith, Hope, & Love", "Love Thy Neighbor", & "Judge Not & Ye Shall Not Be Judged".
Today, especially with the rise of Fundamentalism in the 1920s, the Charismatic movement, Conservatism, and the 1946 mistranslation of the Bible that included "Homosexual" target than "Pedophile" in the text, that message has become corrupted into "Doubt, Fear, and Hate", and many LGBTQIA2S+ Christians have found themselves with targets on their backs, especially in this day and age with the rising threat of Christian Nationalism aka Dominionism aka making "The Handmaid's Tale" a reality aka a new Dark Ages... Oh For Fuck Sake, let's call it what it really is... THEOCRACY!
Anyway, to any Fundamentalist Christians reading this: It is NOT Christian to disown and kick your child out of their home because they are Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, +. Just because you think what your child came out to you as is wrong, doesn't mean that you are right, and the Bible doesn't justify your hatred.
Years ago, there was a miniseries on NBC called "V", which was followed by "V - The Final Battle". The Visitors (and that is not what the V stood for, the V was for "Victory") used a conversion process to convert humans into doing their bidding in order to keep the public's trust and also used propaganda to back their claims, much like the Nazis did. In fact, the Visitors were pretty much a Fascist race that was similar to the Nazis, but they sugar coated their true intentions in the guise of coming in peace for all mankind, but there were a few Fifth Column dissidents within who opposed this. As reflected in today's world, many people have become Fifth Columnists. "V" just reminds me of this craziness.
Also, my sexuality and my orientation aka what I was born as also didn't seem to be compatible in today's Modern Christian mold.
In 1987, I went through puberty at 12 and felt the changes in me, but I didn’t really understand everything about the changes as a had been growing up in an old coal mining town that was run under a terrible board of education.
But anyway, when the change hit, I had found myself attracted to women, but more attracted to their clothing. And I had wondered, what would it feel like to wear women’s clothing?
So, I waited until my parents went out on Saturday nights and I didn’t go with them to relatives to play cards, and I would sneak into my mother’s closet. The first time, I tried on one of her blouses, a skirt, stockings, and a pair of strappy high heels. As I thought, I didn’t know how to walk in heels yet, so I felt like a wounded animal at first. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, sat down in front and looked at the shoes and did some toe and heel tapping, because something about the sound of heels and the feel of fabrics I was unfamiliar with really got to me.
And while I was doing that, I felt that part of my body stiffen, but I still didn’t understand what was going on, cause our school system wasn’t really willing to teach us about the birds & the bees, except for those outdated sex education films we saw at the library in 6th grade. I had often wondered if anyone else in my class felt this way.
At one point, my mother did find out about it, and I thought I was in trouble. But surprisingly, she gave me a hug. Even though she was not suspecting this about me. When I came home from school, where she was an English teacher, there was a package for her. So I went on about my business to get some rest and get ready to do some homework, when she brought the package to me.
There was a note in it that said “Between you and me. You can wear these only when it’s just you and I in the house.” Inside there was a bra, a black turtleneck shirt, a plaid skirt, white stockings, frilly socks, and a pair of black peep-toe low heel shoes. I got dressed up and I came out to my mother and she smiled. She sat me down and explained to me that I was indeed going through a change and that I might have been a woman born in the wrong body (which is the case today). I told her that I thought maybe I was Gay, cause I felt an attraction to some men, but also was attracted to women. She explained that I was bisexual, but wasn’t ready for sex yet, but because of what I was going through, suggested I pick a “Private Time” and gave me a book to read.
Meanwhile, while it was just us at home and my stepfather at work (I never even told him about this as long as I had known him, because he was LGBTQIA+-Phobic), I wore that outfit almost every night and felt good. Mother would later buy me more outfits and shoes to wear around the house when it was just us at home. Then in 1990, I saw “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” for the first time and things made sense to me after that… seeing Tim Curry as Dr. Frank N Furter strutting his stuff and his antics on the screen, but the style of Magenta spoke to me… that Pre-Goth look she had in her maid’s outfit.
The heels got higher as the years went by, but I did have to stop at one point because my stepfather found “my clothes” and burned them, then almost beat me to death at one point, and threatened to have me committed to a conversion therapy place. Mother sat him down to explain to him (or rather lie to him) that I was going through a phase I would grow out of, so I would restart when I got to college and dress up in my own dorm room, in the closet, until I reach the age of 21 and came out to trusted friends. Oh, and him? THE MOTHERFUCKING PRICK NOW BURNS IN THE LAKE OF FIRE!
For many years, I had tried several different styles, but none of them really seemed to fit what I wanted. Then, I noticed some people in Goth attire and thought maybe that is where I would fit, and so I began dressing in mesh tops, corsets, fishnets, black see though clothing, and heels with the bigger heel and supporting platform to regain my balance and train my walking skills and that is when I got into boots, and later began studying kink and paganism, and transformed myself from a closeted Christian Crossdresser into a Goth Vampire Pagan Domme Pre-Op Transwoman, And I have never looked back.
I had no idea that what started at puberty would shape my life into what I was meant to be.
But yes, I almost got sent to a conversion therapy program. I would have killed myself before being subjected to what I described earlier.
Conversion Therapy does not work. The only thing it succeeds in is causing more suicides among LGBTQIA2S+ children and teens through what I call "Fundamentalist Christian Depraved Indifference".
WHAT... THE... FUCK?!
There will be a Part Three.
